All FF7 Rebirth minigames, ranked from Moogle Mischief to Queen's Blood

I hate chasing the dumb Moogles. I hate that the game asks you to repeat the Moogle chase in each region, just so you can unload the hundred or so Moogle Coins you’ve picked up along the way.

I worked hard to get the trophy for completing FF7 Remake’s squat equivalent minigame, but I had to entirely give up for Rebirth’s Crunch-Off. I got to the last rank and just decided that it wasn’t worth it.

Cactuar Crush is barely a minigame, it’s a combat encounter, but with custom rules for each character that can participate. Pretty boring, honestly.

Back from FF7 Remake, Desert Rush is a minigame where you attack boxes. Getting the top rank is a simple task once you’ve figured out the best route around the stage, but getting to that point is just repetitive trial and error. No thanks!

Pirate’s Rampage isn’t bad, but it’s not exactly good either. You shoot targets and get points. Only, Rebirth isn’t designed to be a shooting game of any kind, and the systems here are the equivalent of moving a reticule and pressing a button, with little to no feedback from the weapon. It’s fine, it exists, and we can forget about it.

A quick timed lap around the Chocobo Ranch – each to get the best score on, and over quick enough. Fine and good. Next!

3D Brawler has a bit more depth to it, but not much. It’s reminiscent of Punch-Out, only you must dodge correctly, repeatedly, until your foe lets their guard down. Recognizing the attack animations to execute the correct dodges is the key here, and those animations change with each new foe – however, it’s also dull.

You are a frog and you must jump. This is where FF7 Rebirth’s minigames start getting wacky, and it’s great fun, as long as you time your jumps right. Mind, I wouldn’t bother going for the top rank.

In the Cosmo Canyon region Chocobos can glide on updrafts throughout the canyon, and Glide de Chocobo gives you a bunch of aerial obstacle courses to complete. Getting to grips with gliding Chocobos can be tough, but these courses are surprisingly fun and rewarding.

Once you gather up all of the Seventh Infantry troops, it’s time to undertake the Junon Parade. With the best Junon Parade formation in your pocket, you must undertake a routine in a similar manner to Remake’s club dance scene – luckily, the UI is a bit clearer this time. Again, it’s over pretty fast, but it’s good fun while it lasts.

Another returning minigame from FF7 Remake, G-Bike sees Cloud’s hectic motorcycle battles turned into a fun diversion. And they really are fun – well worth giving a go, and easy to get max rank on.

It’s Rocket League, but with Red XIII. It’s very silly, but great fun, and well worth giving a go.

It’s StarFox, basically! A 3D shmup where clearing out enemies will deliver you the maximum amount of points. Great stuff.

It’s Wave Race. And hey, why not, right? Smash through the balloons and make sure to stay on the correct sides of the buoys, and victory is yours.

Gears and Gambits is another MOBA-style experience, similar to Fort Condor, but you summon elementally charged robots to take down bigger monsters. It’s another relatively simple experience, but well worth playing.

When The Golden Saucer’s Chocobo Races are finally available, they’re excellent. The Chocobos drift like a dream, and all of those Chocobo customizable items you’ve been collecting each have unique buffs for your bird. I loved playing through all of the Chocobo Races.

Fort Condor is the best returning minigame from FF7 Remake, and I was honestly disappointed when I discovered that it doesn’t appear past the Grasslands region. Luckily you do unlock a Hard Mode, but it still feels like there should’ve been more Fort Condor.

The Piano is brilliant. It’s practically a real instrument, translated onto a game controller. It’s far from perfect, but picking up Sheet Music unlocks songs to play, and getting an A rank on each gives you rewards. The Sheet Music songs act like cute rhythm games, and it all works great. A lovely surprise.

Queen’s Blood is brilliant. Don’t get me wrong – in its current state it could only ever really work against NPC players, and expanding it too much would likely lose much of the appeal. But damn, Queen’s Blood is a brilliant in-universe card game that I truly loved playing – and I can’t say that about other in-universe TCGs like that that have been included in other RPGs. But Queen’s Blood is brilliant, and I promise you now that my strategy to beat the Shadowblood Queen is the best one on the internet, everyone else is an imitator.